Communication is... Complicated

The saying we hear all the time, "Communication is the key to success," illustrates a simplistic idea of what we experience everyday. Communication is ever-evolving, with new, innovative ways to communicate with each other.

What is communication? Well, the dictionary defines it as: "The imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs." But is it really that simple? Not one bit. Is it important? Extremely.

This semester I've really had my eyes opened to the legitimate, complicated process of communication. Whether in business or relationships, communication is a complex system of purpose, emotion, strategy, and expectations. When they say everyone communicates differently, they are absolutely right.

Recently I've taken the opportunity to be a selected member of the National Society of Leadership and Success. I've only done one event so far with this group, but the very first thing they talked about in orientation was communication. Weird right? They made us do an exercise with a stranger in which we basically played Heads Up, instead with "leadership" terminology that made it slightly more difficult. The point of the exercise was to see if we were able to analyze the way the other person communicated, along with if they accepted your form of communication, and to then alter your communication based on your analysis. This was really interesting and made a lot of sense to me. The girl I was partnered with communicated in a way that was really hard for me to grasp. I really had to figure out her way of explaining things to figure out what she was trying to tell me. Afterwards, my partner explained to our leader that she communicated with me the way she does with her friends. Our leader then made the point of the importance of analyzing how other people communicate and accommodating to that. Furthermore, she elucidated the fact that it's important not to assume people communicate in ways you are used to- whether it's how you are used to communicating or how you communicate to the people closest to you.

Think about it- most of us tend to communicate in pretty different ways based on the person we are talking to. For one of my best friends, I've learned that the best way to communicate with her as well as maintain a healthy relationship is by providing a balanced conversation and a balanced initiation of conversation. I've also learned that her way of communication in person has a lot to do with body language and facial expressions. I learned that if something upsets her, the worst thing to do is to pressure her to talk about it, so instead I wait for her to come to me to talk about it. This analysis has allowed our relationship to grow and mature.

For one of my other best friends, who is male, communication is entirely more complicated. I'm not going to get stereotypical here, even though I could, but with this particular male friend of mine communication has been our biggest struggle. In person, we communicate really well most of the time, and even that has taken time to learn. But with technology being one of the primary sources of communication, I feel it is the hardest to properly communicate with- specifically messaging. The younger generations tend to say or don't say things over text that we normally would(n't) in person most of the time. This is where the issue lies. Typically, I talk like I normally would in person as I do over text unless it's a very stressful, dramatic situation. My male friend, however, does not. I'd even go so far as to say he WILL NOT initiate any conversations unless the topic absolutely needs to be discussed at that moment, or a person of interest comes into his life. I'm actually not dragging him, that's just his way of communicating. He communicates in a way that he expects other people to contact him first, and it really isn't a priority. This is in a sense of via-telephone communication, just to make things clear. I think it's just an old-fashioned way of communication incorporated into modern times. And yes, of course it's frustrating for me because that's not how I communicate. But it's something I've had to learn about him over time and adapt to.

However, this makes my previous point very important. While it is crucial for you to adapt to the communication style of the person you are around, it's equally as crucial for the other person to do the same towards you. This is what makes it so complicated. It's a two-way street. It forces us to step out of our comfort zones sometimes. But effective communication really is what helps keep relationships healthy. Because let's be real-while there's no "one right way" of communicating, there is definitely good communication and bad communication. It's just using your experiences to determine what gets you the best result.

Personally, I wish more people communicated face to face instead of via cellphone. I may sound old-fashioned, but I've had the best talks with some of my friends and family when they were in person, and most of the time it's more effective.

I just encourage each of you who read this to really think about your relationships. Think about the way you communicate to each person around you- including family, friends, and coworkers. Also think about how you like to be communicated to. Are your relationships hurting? Do you seem to have people in and out of your life consistently? Are people in your life telling you what they need from you? If the answer to these questions is yes, then I urge you to really take a deep look at how you communicate with each other. Look at how they communicate and how you communicate, and determine what needs to be done to improve it. Self-awareness is very important. Like I said though, it's a two-way street. If the other person will not do their part, you cannot make them. Then, it is up to you to decide what is best to do with the relationship.

Keep in mind that it is not one hard adaptation to one way or the other. The point is to implement these new adaptations consistently in your relationships. No one is perfect. It's just trying your best to learn how the people around you communicate and using that information to your advantage in your relationships. BECAUSE COMMUNICATION IS VERY IMPORTANT. I just hate seeing so many relationships fail because of communication/lack thereof.

Actively seeking to improve your communication skills will not only help you in your personal relationships, but in your business relationships just as well. I wish I could go into more detail about the real aspects of communication, but I do encourage each of you to look into it on your own. You'll really be surprised by some of things you'll learn.

Better yourself. Better your relationships. Communicate effectively. Adapt.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.



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