Marriage Isn't For Me

I know what you're probably thinking. That title doesn't sound good, in fact it sounds like another ignorant millennial statement. But let me explain.

I came across a video earlier today with the exact same title. In short, it was about a man who was worried about getting married. He was seriously dating his best friend of 10 years, but started to worry about things like, "Is she going to make me happy?" and "Am I ready for marriage?" He told his father about his insecurities with the concept of marriage, and his father responded with, "Marriage is not for you. You don't marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. Marriage is not about you. Marriage is about the person you married."

Reading this really got me thinking. Marriage absolutely shouldn't be about yourself, because true love is selfless. If you truly love someone, their happiness is one of your top priorities. You WANT to provide for them and do anything you can to bring them happiness, because their happiness brings you joy. While I agree 100% with the statements above, I also believe it is much more than that. 

I think that the story was a good one to share, because we presently live in a very self-focused society. Many people in the younger generations make it a point to voice "why this offends me" and "my happiness comes first".  So yes, sharing a video that is basically a slap in the face for multiple younger folks about how MANY relationships are self-focused, is a good thing. Many people need to hear it. But for me personally, my immediate thought goes to the image God set for marriage. 

Even if you're not a religious person or if you don't believe in God, you could probably agree that most things that are portrayed by a Biblical marriage is the type of relationship you would want in general, besides the religious stuff. I'd say it's the case for most of us. Wouldn't you want someone who puts you before themselves? Who values your happiness above their own? Who is by your side through everything, and who you can tell everything to? Have a relationship that helps each other grow and not tear each other down? If not, I feel bad for you, because all of that sounds pretty awesome to me. 

But let's take it a step further. It's easy to say, "Of course that's what I want in a marriage." What happens before a marriage? Well, typically you date someone first. Here's my opinion on dating. It is extremely difficult to have a successful relationship if you don't first let God fix you in your singleness. Re-read that if you didn't catch what I just said. Because if I'm single and I'm struggling with terrible self-image, I have a hard time telling the truth, I have difficulty committing to plans/school/work, and/or I struggle with communicating effectively with other people- does that magically go away when I enter a dating relationship? Of course not. Are those things going to benefit the relationship? Of course not, it'll probably cause more problems than you signed up for. So if I don't try to fix those issues, I'm bringing them into the relationship, and I'm probably expecting the other person to just accept them or fix them for me. Does that work? Sometimes, but it's rare. Our generation is so focused on being in a relationship that so many just jump into all these different relationships and none of them last. A lot of times because one or both members of the relationship didn't fix their own personal issues first. I've personally made that mistake in the past, but realizing it has helped me so much now. I didn't discover some of the issues I had until I was in a relationship.

If you're in a relationship, issues may present themselves to you that you weren't even aware of. Does that mean you need to end the relationship so you can work on it? Haha no. In any relationship, especially a marriage, once these issues begin to display themselves you're probably not just going to give up. I hope not at least. That's when you still let God work on your SINGLENESS (meaning yourself alone) and let yourself focus on fixing those things that could damage the relationship. Of course issues and struggles will come up in any relationship, even if both parties have worked on resolving their own problems before the relationship began. That's part of life, and that's when you really need to rely on each other to keep your head up, work on it, move past it, and grow stronger. 

Now, I'm discussing all of this because it's something I have to remind myself of daily, and also because I believe that many people my age need to hear it. I started this post with the title "Marriage Isn't For Me". My purpose was to say in regard to that statement- if you can't make someone else a priority or make the other person's happiness a priority in a dating relationship, then marriage is not in the picture yet. Because it's not about you. I also hope that we can all try to recognize our own issues that are harmful to any of our relationships, and really focus on trying to improve those things. 
DISCLAIMER: NOBODY'S PERFECT.
But don't expect someone else to fix you if you don't first try to fix yourself.


With that being said, marriage isn't for me. And before that even becomes a possibility in my life I want to be sure I bring my best self to the relationship and to my partner. Because I want to be sure I can attempt to make them happy to my fullest potential, as true love isn't about me. I definitely don't want to jump into a relationship just because I want one. 

As one of my favorite pastors said, "Maximize your Singleness."

Let me know what you guy's think.